So, it's a truism that growing up is all about becoming independent from your parents. I expected to have moments in my parenting life where this would be apparent. You know, the classic images of a teary mom putting her kid on the school bus for the first time. Or, packing up your kid's stuff and sending them off to college. Maybe walking them down the aisle in their wedding. All of that may well be true, but it's not just those big moments, is it? No, your kids are essentially moving away from you from the moment they are born. It's a continual, daily process of becoming independent from you.
First, they're literally dependent on you for absolutely everything, then they're born. True, newborns are helpless, but they don't need you for the basic functions anymore. Soon they're able to sit up on their own, grab at what they want, roll over. Before long they're skootching around the floor like turtles, then crawling (maybe only backwards at first, but still), then walking, running, climbing to the top of the ladder.
Every time I take a moment to notice, Linus is a little more independent than before. A little bit more his own person, a little less in need of assistance (it's true of Luna too, but it's more about physical needs for her right now, rather than emotional and intellectual). It's such a bittersweet thing. One the one hand, you want your kids to be independent, self-reliant people, but on the other hand I miss each step that's gone by. I miss him sleeping on my chest, nursing, holding my hand to stay upright, hiding behind my leg during any new social situation, but I want him to have strong legs, not noodle legs. I guess I wasn't expecting a daily process of letting go.
Friday, March 21, 2008
Thursday, March 20, 2008
I'm home with the same cold that Luna's had, and Orion has. Linus, who was clearly the vector for it, has manage to not get it. There is no justice! It's definitely one of the challenges of having a 3-year old in daycare. He brings home every bug. You can only have him wash his hands so often before it becomes child abuse. But, I've been wanting to post, so this gives me the opportunity.
We're settling into our new family life. I had so much anxiety before Luna was born about just how much she was going to mess with our good family dynamic. I knew it was inevitable that she would take some of our attention away from Linus. I wondered if this would foster resentment in him, that he would feel slighted. Would he hate her for it? Would a resentment continue to grow as they grew? I didn't have a very good relationship with my own sister, so I've always been ambivalent about sibling relationships. We pretty much hated each other for most of our sub-adult lives. It's taken us years to develop an even passably friendly relationship. We are in no way close. I felt like I was living with an enemy for most of my childhood. I didn't want to introduce a source of aggro like that into Linus' life. Also, I didn't know if I wanted to turn my attention. I loved the cozy little threesome we had established. Even though he was going to be 3 when LB was born, he was still my baby. In my heart of hearts, I just knew I could never love another kid as much as I love him. Oh sure, I'd love another baby, but, shhhhhhh, don't tell anybody, I'd always love him best.
Ok, this is weird. I was just saw over at Tina's site that she wrote about this very subject. She pretty much sums up exactly how I was feeling before having Luna.
Well, to my infinite relief, so far, it's all good. Linus LOVES Luna. He doesn't seem to harbor even a hint of resentment towards her. The first couple of times I had to say, "I can't (whatever) with you right now, Linus, I have to take care of the baby" I cringed a little inside and waited for the Luna backlash. Some sort of wailing, "You ALWAYS have to take care of the baby!" kind of response. But, honestly, I've seen not a trace of that from him. He seems to totally get that LB is a baby, and babies need attention nearly all the time. We have done a fair amount of telling Linus about how when he was a baby, we'd done the same stuff for him. He totally gets it. And he's way into being a Big Brother. If you tell him he's a big boy he'll correct you and say, "I'm not a big boy, I'm a big brother!"
He'll get right up in Luna's face, like right up, faces touching, don't-put-your-nose-in-your-sister's-mouth, kind of close all the time. He'll say, "Hi. Hiiiiiiiiii. Hi-hi-hi-hi-hi-hi-hi, Baby!" over and over again. He's a close-talker with her. It kinda makes me a little crazy, ironically, how much in her face he gets. It would drive me nuts to have him up in my face like that, but Luna seems to dig it. In fact, she LOOOOOVES Linus. She totally lights up when he talks to her. Seems completely happy to have no personal space whatsoever. Is perfectly willing to suck on his nose. When she starts walking, he's going to have a new shadow, I can see it.
I can't tell you what a relief this is. Of course, I don't expect them to be harmonious friends all the time, but it's a great start. When I was pregnant with LB I would have periods of real sadness for Linus and what I feared he was going to lose. But it seems he hasn't lost anything. I've come to see that any attention Linus loses to Luna is actually ok. More than that, it's a good thing. I see that it's a good thing to not be under the spotlight of our full attention all the time. It gives him space to be on his own, to have to figure some things out for himself. I don't know how much of this is just luck of timing for us. Maybe we just had Luna at the right time, just when Linus was 3 and becoming more independent anyway. I don't know, but it's worked out just right.
I still call him "Baby", though. I can't seem to help it. It gets confusing at times. I'll ask Orion if "the baby's had a snack", or whatever, referring to Linus while holding an actual baby in my arms. I'll be calling him "Baby" when he's 30, I can tell. Both of them. Sorry.
We're settling into our new family life. I had so much anxiety before Luna was born about just how much she was going to mess with our good family dynamic. I knew it was inevitable that she would take some of our attention away from Linus. I wondered if this would foster resentment in him, that he would feel slighted. Would he hate her for it? Would a resentment continue to grow as they grew? I didn't have a very good relationship with my own sister, so I've always been ambivalent about sibling relationships. We pretty much hated each other for most of our sub-adult lives. It's taken us years to develop an even passably friendly relationship. We are in no way close. I felt like I was living with an enemy for most of my childhood. I didn't want to introduce a source of aggro like that into Linus' life. Also, I didn't know if I wanted to turn my attention. I loved the cozy little threesome we had established. Even though he was going to be 3 when LB was born, he was still my baby. In my heart of hearts, I just knew I could never love another kid as much as I love him. Oh sure, I'd love another baby, but, shhhhhhh, don't tell anybody, I'd always love him best.
Ok, this is weird. I was just saw over at Tina's site that she wrote about this very subject. She pretty much sums up exactly how I was feeling before having Luna.
Well, to my infinite relief, so far, it's all good. Linus LOVES Luna. He doesn't seem to harbor even a hint of resentment towards her. The first couple of times I had to say, "I can't (whatever) with you right now, Linus, I have to take care of the baby" I cringed a little inside and waited for the Luna backlash. Some sort of wailing, "You ALWAYS have to take care of the baby!" kind of response. But, honestly, I've seen not a trace of that from him. He seems to totally get that LB is a baby, and babies need attention nearly all the time. We have done a fair amount of telling Linus about how when he was a baby, we'd done the same stuff for him. He totally gets it. And he's way into being a Big Brother. If you tell him he's a big boy he'll correct you and say, "I'm not a big boy, I'm a big brother!"
He'll get right up in Luna's face, like right up, faces touching, don't-put-your-nose-in-your-sister's-mouth, kind of close all the time. He'll say, "Hi. Hiiiiiiiiii. Hi-hi-hi-hi-hi-hi-hi, Baby!" over and over again. He's a close-talker with her. It kinda makes me a little crazy, ironically, how much in her face he gets. It would drive me nuts to have him up in my face like that, but Luna seems to dig it. In fact, she LOOOOOVES Linus. She totally lights up when he talks to her. Seems completely happy to have no personal space whatsoever. Is perfectly willing to suck on his nose. When she starts walking, he's going to have a new shadow, I can see it.
I can't tell you what a relief this is. Of course, I don't expect them to be harmonious friends all the time, but it's a great start. When I was pregnant with LB I would have periods of real sadness for Linus and what I feared he was going to lose. But it seems he hasn't lost anything. I've come to see that any attention Linus loses to Luna is actually ok. More than that, it's a good thing. I see that it's a good thing to not be under the spotlight of our full attention all the time. It gives him space to be on his own, to have to figure some things out for himself. I don't know how much of this is just luck of timing for us. Maybe we just had Luna at the right time, just when Linus was 3 and becoming more independent anyway. I don't know, but it's worked out just right.
I still call him "Baby", though. I can't seem to help it. It gets confusing at times. I'll ask Orion if "the baby's had a snack", or whatever, referring to Linus while holding an actual baby in my arms. I'll be calling him "Baby" when he's 30, I can tell. Both of them. Sorry.
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Slight gender confusion
This is a conversation I just had with Linus (We've set up his gym mats so he can jump off of them onto his beanbag. He's only wearing underpants.)
Me: Wow! You sure can jump far.
Linus: Yeah. If you take everything off your body you can jump far.
Me: So, if you're naked you can jump far?
Linus: Yeah! If you only have your undies you can jump far!
Me: Ok!
Linus: I'm like Spiderman!
Me: Yeah!
Linus: Naked Spiderman!
Me: Naked Spiderman!
Linus: Naked Woman Spiderman!
Me: Naked Woman Spiderman?
Linus: Hahahahaha!
a few minutes later...
Linus: You can't jump as far as me.
Me: Maybe not.
Linus: When you were a little boy, and I was a big boy, you couldn't jump this far. jumps Waaaaaaa!
Me: Wow! You sure can jump far.
Linus: Yeah. If you take everything off your body you can jump far.
Me: So, if you're naked you can jump far?
Linus: Yeah! If you only have your undies you can jump far!
Me: Ok!
Linus: I'm like Spiderman!
Me: Yeah!
Linus: Naked Spiderman!
Me: Naked Spiderman!
Linus: Naked Woman Spiderman!
Me: Naked Woman Spiderman?
Linus: Hahahahaha!
a few minutes later...
Linus: You can't jump as far as me.
Me: Maybe not.
Linus: When you were a little boy, and I was a big boy, you couldn't jump this far. jumps Waaaaaaa!
Friday, March 14, 2008
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Sad baby
I'm home with a sick Luna Bee today. She's got a bad cold and is most pathetic. She seems to want to nurse about every hour so I didn't want to leave it to Orion to deal with her by himself. It's for the best as I am sick as well and she got me up hourly last night. I thought I'd post something and since Tina put this meme out there, I'm biting:
1. Pick up the nearest book.
2. Open it at page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence/ phrase.
4. Blog the next four sentences/ phrases together with these instructions.
5. Don't you dare dig your shelves for that very special or intellectual book.
6. Pass it forward to six friends
The book is "What's going on in there? How the brain and mind develop in the first five years of life." Page 123 is the beginning of Chapter 5: The Importance of Touch:
That's because the sense of touch is one of a baby's most advanced abilities at birth. Little Phoebe, who just tuned one week old today, can't see very well - the whole room's a big blur - but she loves to be held. She can feel her mother's arm, cradling her comfortably under her head, her hand holding her bottom, and that wonderfully warm breast next to her cheek. The sense of touch is by no means fully developed at birth. Babies have a long way to go until they can discriminate all different types of tactile sensations and accurately pinpoint the location of a touch on their body.
Yeah, not that illuminating. The later sections on toddler brain development are more interesting.
The only friend I have that blogs is Tina, so anyone else is welcome to take it up (just let me know). Anyway, here's a picture from a healthier, happier day:
1. Pick up the nearest book.
2. Open it at page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence/ phrase.
4. Blog the next four sentences/ phrases together with these instructions.
5. Don't you dare dig your shelves for that very special or intellectual book.
6. Pass it forward to six friends
The book is "What's going on in there? How the brain and mind develop in the first five years of life." Page 123 is the beginning of Chapter 5: The Importance of Touch:
That's because the sense of touch is one of a baby's most advanced abilities at birth. Little Phoebe, who just tuned one week old today, can't see very well - the whole room's a big blur - but she loves to be held. She can feel her mother's arm, cradling her comfortably under her head, her hand holding her bottom, and that wonderfully warm breast next to her cheek. The sense of touch is by no means fully developed at birth. Babies have a long way to go until they can discriminate all different types of tactile sensations and accurately pinpoint the location of a touch on their body.
Yeah, not that illuminating. The later sections on toddler brain development are more interesting.
The only friend I have that blogs is Tina, so anyone else is welcome to take it up (just let me know). Anyway, here's a picture from a healthier, happier day:
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