Sometimes your greatest sources of support can be your greatest sources of insecurity, you know? Many people feel that way about their parents. I may be that for Linus one day, who knows? But in this case, I'm talking about me and an online parent's support group I belong to. Well, it's online now, but it was in actual person when we lived in Lawrence (as well as being online). What? Ok, there's a group of parents in Lawrence who maintain a loose affiliation with the Attachment Parenting International Authority On How-Not-To-Parent-Like-Your-Parents, or whatever. There's a listserv, and regular playgroups, and coffees, and stuff like that. Mostly, it's a group of parents talking each other down from the freak-outs. Very Important to have that, especially for a first-time parent. You don't know what's normal, or common, or freak-worthy unless you have someone to ask. This group was my someone.
We saw a couple of the families when we were back visiting - we really miss them! I still check on the listserv regularly, just to keep in touch, especially since we haven't found a similar group here yet. There was a recent discussion on the listserv that has me questioning some of the choices we've made with regards to Linus and watching TV and movies. Now, I didn't realize I had a parenting philosophy before I had Linus, but it turns out I do. It's all mixed together with my personal philosophy of life, such as it is. I don't have a manifesto or anything, just a series of things I tell myself, when I need a reminder. Stuff like:
Don't be an asshole.
As regards parenting, this generally means that when I'm tired, or hungry, or generally pissed off at something having nothing to do with home, don't take it out on my kid. This one can be a little bit of a challenge for me because when I am tired, or hungry, or stressed, I tend to get angry easily, so the codicil to this axiom is:
Cool your jets.
Hey! I never said my philosophy wouldn't be a series of cliches, or worn-out catch-phrases! The one that's germane to this post is:
Moderation in all things (including moderation).
So, we let Linus watch TV and movies. Orion and I both like TV. And movies. Especially movies. I'm choosy about what he watches I don't just plunk him down in front of anything and walk away. Especially no commercials! He likes Blue's Clues ("Buh buh boo!") and Thomas the Tank Engine ("Tsoo-tsoo!"), and we have a bunch of movies on DVD. He loves all the one's you'd expect - Nemo, Monster's Inc., Shrek, etc. I also bought The Incredibles, but once I saw it, I realized I didn't want him watching it. Too much shooting. I'm not completely laissez faire about it. I want to do what's best for him, but I also don't want to be a freak about it, you know? Apparently I've already ruined him by letting him see any electronic media before the age of 2. There's a family in the Lawrence group who stuck to that recommendation and didn't let their little boy even see Sesame Street before he turned 2. Hell, we took Linus to his first movie when he was 18 months old. Wallace and Gromit! Awesome! And he loved it. Sat on my lap and didn't take his eyes off the screen until about the last 10 minutes when things get really crazy. Then he was ready to walk to the back of the theatre, though he didn't want to actually leave until the movie was over.
When Over The Hedge came out a couple of weeks ago, we thought, "Great! Another movie we can take him to." (Even though he's still not 2 yet! *gasp*!) I made plans, but then a discussion about it cropped up on the listserv. Some of the parents were against taking their kids because there's some cartoon-ish violence and "mean-ness". Until I read that it didn't even occur to me to not take him on account of that kind of thing. We took him anyway, even after the discussion. It was no Wallace and Gromit mind you, but he liked it ok. I don't know, maybe that makes me a bad mom. Not like criminally bad, but not stellar. The parents that had an issue with it have kids who are a little older, like 5. Maybe if Linus was that age, I'd think harder about it. I just don't think it's a big deal at this point. And, while I don't want him to turn into a violent little bully, I also don't want him to be...I don't know...somehow stunted or something because I wouldn't let him experience stuff. Especially stuff I loved as a child, and still love now. Rationalizing? Maybe. I'm not gonna lie - part of why I want to take him to movies is because I want to go to movies.
Gah. Being a parent is confusing!
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
Friday, May 26, 2006
a long month
It's been a month of no entries and if you're one of the 3 people who seem to check this site with any regularity, I'm sorry. A week turns into a month before you know it. This gap in posting is partially due to a sudden influx of travel, illness, and long hours, but also because I've psyched myself out with regards to what I should post. I'd started to feel like I needed a funny story or some kind of complete allegory to write about. It was weighing me down, which is stupid, but I was thinking of just deleting the blog entirely. Instead, I've decided to try easing up on the self-imposed rules a little bit, and just write more as a journal. I know the blogs I enjoy reading the most are more like that - regular chats about what's going on. Eh, we'll see how it goes. Could be boring as hell. I can always delete it later if need be.
So, we just came back from a week in Kansas. We went back for my doctoral hooding. Even though I actually finished last summer, KU only does one doctoral hooding a year in May. I really just saw it as an excuse to go back and see all of the friends we left behind, which was great, but I'm actually glad I went through the hooding. It was nice to have a little pomp and circumstance at the end. All this crazy medieval symbolism everywhere - get my clerical robes, walk across the stage past the University Mace, shake hands with the Chancellor wearing the Chains of Learning, or some shit like that. Seriously nutty. But also a little awesome.
My advisor and I passed the time waiting through all the other hoodings seeing who could find the most Byzantine dissertation title in the program. Unfortunately, I don't have the program with me, but I'll post the winner later. The best part was when my advisor leaned over to me while we were watching someone get hooded for a Doctor of Education and whispered, "Just remember, their degree isn't as high as yours." Hahahaha! Like they'd have to give up the better parking spot whenever we might meet. Like people will whisper when they pass, "Yeah, but he only has a Doctor of Education, not a Doctor of Philosophy in Education." I don't know, maybe it does make a difference in some circles. In fact it probably does. Who am I kidding? It totally does. I still think it was a hilariously random thing to say.
It was great being back in Lawrence and seeing friends. In some ways it was actually harder saying goodbye to people this time, because I knew that I probably won't be seeing many of them again. Some of our very close friends may actually come out to visit us at some point, but I'm not holding my breath. Others, especially the families, won't. It's just not practical. So, we'll keep in touch for awhile and then eventually slip out of contact. I hope not, but that just seems to be the way. Okay, this is making me feel maudlin, so next topic...
While in Lawrence I bought myself some art. Three painting, actually. A present for myself for the hooding. One by Paul Hotvedt and two by Paul Flinders. I knew before we went out that I wanted to see if Hotvedt had anything that I liked. My friend Brad has two little paintings by him that I've always coveted. He does these beautiful little landscapes of the region around Lawrence, and I wanted something to remind me of it. Here's the piece we got ("September 4, 2004"):
He had these great tryptichs, and if I could have afforded it, I would have bought one. But I'm not complaining - I love this piece!
I'd told myself that if I saw something I liked while we were there, I'd buy it. Lawrence has better art around than where we live now. There's some good stuff around town here, but I think we live too close to Portland and everyone just goes there. But I think Lawrence is pretty much it if you're an artist in Kansas. Every restaurant and coffee house in town has some local artist's work on display. I don't know if it's so great for the artists - I gather that supply is greater than demand, but that means, frankly, that we could afford it. We saw a bunch of Paul Flinders' work up at one of the coffee houses in Lawrence and I loved about four pieces instantly. Here's one of the ones we bought ("The Big Promotion"):
I don't have a picture of the other one - it's this awesome little oil of some spindly-legged birds. Both Pauls were very nice people as well, as far as I could tell.
An all-around lovely trip. Got hooded, hung out with friends, came home with some art.
So, we just came back from a week in Kansas. We went back for my doctoral hooding. Even though I actually finished last summer, KU only does one doctoral hooding a year in May. I really just saw it as an excuse to go back and see all of the friends we left behind, which was great, but I'm actually glad I went through the hooding. It was nice to have a little pomp and circumstance at the end. All this crazy medieval symbolism everywhere - get my clerical robes, walk across the stage past the University Mace, shake hands with the Chancellor wearing the Chains of Learning, or some shit like that. Seriously nutty. But also a little awesome.
My advisor and I passed the time waiting through all the other hoodings seeing who could find the most Byzantine dissertation title in the program. Unfortunately, I don't have the program with me, but I'll post the winner later. The best part was when my advisor leaned over to me while we were watching someone get hooded for a Doctor of Education and whispered, "Just remember, their degree isn't as high as yours." Hahahaha! Like they'd have to give up the better parking spot whenever we might meet. Like people will whisper when they pass, "Yeah, but he only has a Doctor of Education, not a Doctor of Philosophy in Education." I don't know, maybe it does make a difference in some circles. In fact it probably does. Who am I kidding? It totally does. I still think it was a hilariously random thing to say.
It was great being back in Lawrence and seeing friends. In some ways it was actually harder saying goodbye to people this time, because I knew that I probably won't be seeing many of them again. Some of our very close friends may actually come out to visit us at some point, but I'm not holding my breath. Others, especially the families, won't. It's just not practical. So, we'll keep in touch for awhile and then eventually slip out of contact. I hope not, but that just seems to be the way. Okay, this is making me feel maudlin, so next topic...
While in Lawrence I bought myself some art. Three painting, actually. A present for myself for the hooding. One by Paul Hotvedt and two by Paul Flinders. I knew before we went out that I wanted to see if Hotvedt had anything that I liked. My friend Brad has two little paintings by him that I've always coveted. He does these beautiful little landscapes of the region around Lawrence, and I wanted something to remind me of it. Here's the piece we got ("September 4, 2004"):
He had these great tryptichs, and if I could have afforded it, I would have bought one. But I'm not complaining - I love this piece!
I'd told myself that if I saw something I liked while we were there, I'd buy it. Lawrence has better art around than where we live now. There's some good stuff around town here, but I think we live too close to Portland and everyone just goes there. But I think Lawrence is pretty much it if you're an artist in Kansas. Every restaurant and coffee house in town has some local artist's work on display. I don't know if it's so great for the artists - I gather that supply is greater than demand, but that means, frankly, that we could afford it. We saw a bunch of Paul Flinders' work up at one of the coffee houses in Lawrence and I loved about four pieces instantly. Here's one of the ones we bought ("The Big Promotion"):
I don't have a picture of the other one - it's this awesome little oil of some spindly-legged birds. Both Pauls were very nice people as well, as far as I could tell.
An all-around lovely trip. Got hooded, hung out with friends, came home with some art.
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