I know I suck at this!

Yeah, that's right. I know one of the things that makes a blog readable is, you know, actual words. Plain Jane had a post today where she made comments to some of the journals she reads. I doubt that any of them were to me specifically (I know she's read me before, but I don't think she checks back (though if so, Hi Jane!)), but all the ones that said, "UPDATE!" could have been. I know! Blogs that aren't updated regularly annoy me! Yes, I annoy myself. All the time, actually.

In my defense, I didn't really know what to post following Tori's death. I started a couple of posts, but it all seemed so lame and inappropriate. Now that there's been some time, I feel like I can write about trivial stuff again. Either that or I've come to embrace the fact that I'm lame and inappropriate.

You pick.

Also, I've been working on a paper at work, so I've been a bit sick of writing. And, writing for scientific journals and writing for a personal blog do not mesh. In fact, all of my training as a writer (such as it is) has been geared toward technical writing, which I think is really at odds with good journal writing. In scientific publications you have to dispassionately describe results as succinctly, yet completely, as possible, all without the use of personal pronouns, or even acknowledging that actual people conducted the research. The effects of my immersion in that kind of writing permeate this blog, I think, and not in a good way. I think that my writing here tends to be too brief, not enough detail or development. Not to seem to be sucking up, but one of the things I like about Jane's journal is that she can go on for paragraphs about one topic, really delving in and describing her feelings in detail. That's one of the reasons I like her writing. I always catch myself trying to sum up everything in one sentence. Skimpy. My writing here is skimpy. Just so you know that I know.

I've contemplated just deleting this blog and keeping my junk to myself, but then...something comes up and I want to write about it. I figure no one's making you check in and read, so I'm just gonna keep going. I could make some empty promises about updating more regularly, but I won't insult your intelligence. I will say that this latest gap was due to unusual circumstances and hopefully won't happen again.

We went to Tori's memorial service a couple of weekends ago. It was in Reno so we all flew down. It was awful. Not the memorial service, which was lovely, and hard, and very emotional (obviously). No, Reno was awful. My family lived in Sparks (next to Reno) when I was a kid, but I hadn't been back there in about 20 years. Now I know why. If anyone reading this is from Reno and has deep affection for it - sorry, but that place sucks ass. Both Orion and I had headaches from the moment we arrived, and mine finally developed into a my first ever, full-on migraine. I think it was the combination of the high altitude, bone-dry air, cigarette smoke, flashing neon lights, loud, loud, LOUD noise, crying over Tori, and the pack of crazy fuckers known as My Family that did it. But I've cried and been around my family before without getting a migraine, so I'm really blaming it on Reno. By Sunday evening I was huddled in a ball in the rental car, which was blissfully quiet and smoke-free. Fortunately for me, Missy gets migraines, so she slipped me one of her pills and an hour later I could walk again.

I hope I never see a buffet or the inside of a casino again. Seriously, gross. I've never considered myself particularly sensitive to cigarette smoke, but Oh My God, I have limits! I'm pretty sure I've developed a spot on my lung just from walking through the casinos to get to whatever buffet to eat with my entire clan. I guess I've become wimpy since my waitressing days. All that living in places where smoking is banned in all public buildings (otherwise known as "Civilization") will do that to a person, I guess.

Ok, lunch time is over. That's another reason I don't update often - finding time to write. Blah, blah, blah. I'm living up to the Complain-o-peeps moniker today, eh? I have lots of little saved stories from over the last month and a half. I promise to update frequently, for awhile anyway.