Meeeerrrrrry Christmas!

Nothing puts me in the Christmas spirit like listening to the Charlie Brown Christmas album (or more accurately, The Vince Guaraldi Trio, "A Charlie Brown Christmas")! Seriously. I've been lamenting my complete lack of holiday enthusiasm lately, but I'm shuffling my iPod and "Christmas Time Is Here" came on. Poof! I'm the Ghost of Christmas Present! Come closer man, and know me better!



It seems harder and harder, year by year, to get into the holiday swing. Maybe it's due to the fact that we always seem to be going somewhere else for Christmas, so we don't have up any decorations, or a tree, or anything. Well, that's not completely true - Orionjob finally caved after much whining and moaning on my part and put up two fir boughs and one string of lights. Better than a poke in the eye, I guess, but not particularly overwhelming. Also, I do almost all of my shopping online these days. Used to be that I'd spend a day or two in downtown Seattle shopping. What with the lights, and the holiday bustle, and the eggnog lattes, you couldn't really help but succumb to the festive atmosphere.

Oh well, I've know the secret now! I don't know why I didn't think of it before.

Dancing, not deflicted

We just finished watching all 7 seasons of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Linus LOVES the theme to Buffy. Well, he used to love it, anyway. He'd dance to it every time he heard it. That's a lot of theme-music dancing when you consider that the theme plays at the beginning and the end of every episode, and we've been watching something like 8 episodes a week since mid-May. In the last month or so, he stopped dancing to it, though his head still snaps around whenever he hears it. I don't know why he stopped, he still dances to other music. Of course, he's a toddler, so "dancing" consists of lots of bouncing up and down, foot-stomping, and fist-twisting.

When he was really little, like lay-on-the-floor-can't-sit-up-yet little, we were watching Alias from the beginning, and when that theme song came on, no matter what he was doing or what position he was in, he'd twist around so he could watch the spinning rectangles. Three months old and loving the techno. We're about to Netflix season 4 of Alias, so we'll see if he still loves that theme song.

So, we're sitting around the living room last night, and I look over at Or and he has a weird look on his face. I ask him, "Are you ok? You look a little dodgy.", and he replies, totally serious, "A good dodgy, or a bad dodgy?". Ha! He cracks me up!

Talking about talking

Linus has started talking. He's been using sign language since he was about 10 months old, but I'm talking actual spoken words now.

By the way, I highly recommend the teaching of baby signs. Don't misunderstand, I'm not one of those flash-card wielding,must-maximize-every-possible-developmental-moment parents. No bellyphones piping Mozart into his fetal ears. I'm actually pretty lazy about that sort of thing. If it's not making my life easier as a parentin the here-and-now, he can figure it out the old fashion way; by hanging around people going on about their daily lives. I think of it as an evolutionary approach to parenting. And the baby signs fit right in with that philosophy. A happy baby is way easier to deal with than a frustrated, pissed-off baby, and I know Linus is happier for being able to tell us what he wants. He doesn't have a huge repertoire of signs, maybe 30, but he can tell us when he wants to eat and what he wants to eat (well, as long as he wants to eat one of about five things) and that goes a long way toward keeping him from getting all worked up becausehe wants something and we can't figure out what it is. In fact, lately he's been wanting to eat things we don't have signs for, and if he can't point to it, frustration and boo-hooing ensues. I need to make up a sign for noodles, and pizza. That would help.

But, I digress...talking! He's been saying, "Da" or "Dada" for his Dad for awhile now (though lately it's developed into "Dadee"), and "no" has been common for about 2 months. "No" apparently means "no", as well as,"I acknowledge that you're speaking to me", given how often we hear it. Just in the last couple of days he's added "more" (or "mo") and "boo"for book. He has no words for me yet (though he does have a sign), NOT that I'm taking that personally or anything (*grumble*, he's lucky he's so cute).

In all its glory...

Well, Tina asked for it, and since she's one of maybe 2 regular readers, I can't deny her.

Here is the Annual Summary of Holiday Season Gift Rules Cheerful Holiday Poem, in its entirety:

"The holiday season -- a time for good cheer!
For egg nog, for parties, for friends to be near.
But I must be careful
Lest I accept free
A gift not permitted, no matter how wee.

Part two six three five of the 5 CFR
Explains in detail the relevant bar.
It defines the term gift
To mean all things worth money.
That's NBA tickets or jars full of honey.

Some gifts may be taken but some are verboten.
The source is the key -- it's the rule that I'm quotin'.
When from me or others
The source seeks some act,
I must find an exception or I could be sacked.

Even others who give can cause problems for me.
If my job prompts the giving -- my position, you see.
But lucky for me,
Some exceptions exist.
They're in subpart B and they should not be missed.

I can pay market value if the gift I do like,
Or I can at my option say "go take a hike."
I can always say no,
But I need not decline.
If worth twenty or less then the gift can be mine.

This exception has prompted some very loud hollers.
It says gifts are okay if worth twenty dollars.
But surely the public
Is certain to see,
I could never be bought for a sandwich and tea.

Restrictions apply so it does not suffice
To pay twenty bucks for a gift twice the price.
And in any one year
I can't use it, of course,
To go over the limit -- fifty dollars per source.

For gifts that a friend or my sister might send,
The rules recognize I don't want to offend.
Regardless of value,
It only must be
That their motive to give wasn't business, but me.

The rule's much the same in the case of my spouse
Who happens to work as she can't stand our house.
Although her employer
Is one of those sources,
I can go to their fete and avoid more divorces.

In the case of most parties, the rule's not so clear
As the agency must have an interest, I fear.
If worth more than twenty
And it's no friend true,
Then I'd better seek guidance or I could be blue.

What of those in the office with whom I share much?
Are all treats a taboo -- must we always go dutch?
The rules here are different,
They're in subpart C.
They okay some gifts even to and from me.

I can give to my boss to a limit of ten --
A baseball, a cap, or a blue ballpoint pen.
If not to my boss
Or my chain of command,
To a friend I can give more without being canned.

I always look forward to my office party.
We're all in good moods and the food is so hearty.
If no arm is twisted,
Collecting's okay
To make sure that everyone has a good day.

So go forth with good cheer and know there's no reason
To think that the gifts rules will ruin your season!"

Hahahahaha!

I just want to make it clear, I can totally be bought for a sandwich and tea.

Working for The Man

Ok, I know I said just yesterday that I wasn't too interested in writing about my work, but I can't let this go by without mentioning it:

You know you're a federal employee when you get an email with the subject, "The Annual Summary of Holiday Season Gift Rules". Seriously, a hilarious, five page memo of what I can and can't give and/or receive in the way of gifts (hilarious for a variety of unintended reasons). No gifts to bosses, no gifts over $10 to coworkers, blah, blah, blah. That's fine. I get that there are ethics rules, and why we need to follow them. Doesn't mean I'm not going to make fun of it. Fortunately, it's ok to receive donuts! Oh, and "other modest items of food and refreshment". I love the "modest" part. And the idea of items of refreshment. The best part, though, is that the people who wrote the memo decided to attach, "a cheerful holiday poem that succinctly summarizes these important rules". I'm not kidding! I will post the first two stanzas for you,

"The holiday season -- a time for good cheer!
For egg nog, for parties, for friends to be near.
But I must be careful
Lest I accept free
A gift not permitted, no matter how wee.

Part two six three five of the 5 CFR
Explains in detail the relevant bar.
It defines the term gift
To mean all things worth money.
That's NBA tickets or jars full of honey."

Hahahahaha! It goes on for 11 more stanzas. I'm not making this up!

Introductory material

It seems like there may be one or two people reading this journal on occassion who don't know me. So, I thought I'd kind of fill in some background information.

We (me, my husband, my son, our dog) just moved out to Oregon from Kansas. We moved so I could start a new job with a certain federal bureau charged with, um, guarding the, um, milieu. Let's call it the Milieu Guarding Bureau (MGB). I conduct research for this bureau. Scientific research. Not rocket science, mind you, biological science. Anyway, blah de blah, love my job. Love it! But, while I find it completely enthralling, most people don't. Not from lack of interest, really, more a lack of common ground. So, I don't/won't write about it much here. That's not a hard-and-fast rule or anything, I just find my family, especially Linus, to be much more amusing and journal-worthy.

My husband, Orionjob, a carpenter by trade, is currently a stay-at-home Dad. We probably can't afford for him to stay home long-term, but for now it's working, and it gives us a chance to figure out the local daycare scene. We may put Linus in part-time daycare after the first of the year. We'll see what we can find. I'm thrilled that Or and Linus get to spend so much time together. I imagine lots of napping and farting. Oh, don't get worked up! I know that staying at home with a toddler isn't all napping and farting and soap operas and bon-bons. I was home full time before we moved. I'm just saying...

We love Oregon. We're originally from Seattle, so it's nice to be back on the West Coast. Yeah, we liked living in Lawrence, Kansas well enough while we were there, but frankly, I'm just not cut out for that climate. And the bugs. There are a number of things I'm going to miss about Lawrence (Wheatfields, Sylas & Maddy's (Oh, Maddy's Mudd, how I will miss you. Come on! Coffee ice cream with Oreos, brownie pieces and a fudge swirl?! Shut up!). We left some good friends there (Hi, Brad!), and Linus will always be a Kansas native, but there's not much about physically being in Kansas that I'm going to miss. In fact, I checked the weather this weekend and saw they were expecting a high of 11. And, I'm sure there was a 20 mph wind to go with it. Nope, not for me.

Enough background, for now. I'll try to fill in more gaps in coming posts.

Linus has recently started making car noises. You know, "brrmm, brrmm"? He pushes around his little truck brrmm brrmm-ing all the way. I'm sure he must have seen some other kids doing this, because neither Or or I recall showing him. It's like he reach the Age of Car Knowledge and spontaneously started making the appropriate noises. Or, mostly appropriate. He'll also pulls his Keith Haring dog around and around, brrmm brrmm-ing as he goes. That's worth a good 20 minutes of non-stop, brrmm brrmm, circumambulation.

Good baby lovin'

Linus loves to walk around with one foot in things. Boxes, big-people shoes, whatever. He likes to get an Altoid tin stuck on the bottom of his foot and clomp around with it. Weird, but funny. Not something I was expecting.

Before you have a toddler, it sounds like it's something you have to brace yourself for. Tantrums, the terrible-twos, and all that. There's some of that, but it turns out, toddlers are awesome! Really. Here's the thing - your toddler loves you more than anything, and isn't shy about showing it. This means that about every half hour or so, Linus comes over to me and gives me a big, baby hug, then goes on about his business. Best. Thing. Ever. Just, "Hmm, hmm, hmm, playing with my blocks. Oh! Better go make sure Mom still loves me and knows that I love her! Fhew. Hmm, hmm, hmm."

I don't know how long this stage is going to last, but I'm eatin' it up while I can.

As promised...

Five Foos of Boring Work

I did a lot of boring crap today. How do I measure "a lot", you're probably not asking? When I get ready to leave work in the evening, I clear the files off my desktop left from the various program streams I've been listening to all day. Lately I've been listening to back episodes of Le Show. I can only listen to talking-type shows when I'm doing really mindless, boring crap, usually involving database management. Bleh. If what I'm doing requires a little more thought on my part, I can listen to music, even more, nothing. Anyway, the audio files from Le Show show up on my computer as "foo", "foo-1", "foo-infinity". You get the picture. I had five foos on my desktop today - that's 5 hours of Le Show. That's on top of the 4 or so hours of podcasts I have waiting for me daily. That's a lot of boring crap for one day.

"How was work today, honey?" "It was a five foo-er." "Ew. Have a drink"

I can't tell if this post is amusing me, or boring me. I promise I'll post a cute Linus picture when I get home.